Family Connection

Summer 1997

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Table of Contents

EmPOWERment, by Marilyn Bader
Power Connection, by Roger Sonnenberg
Empower (verb): to give power or authority to, by Laura Priebe
Be All You Can Be, by Vivian Hauser, Family Connection Staff Director
Resources to help you

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EmPOWERment
by Marilyn Bader

Mother Theresa has it. So do the President of the United States, CEOs and the Pope. Satan has it (at least, he thinks so). What do they have? P-O-W-E-R! Some have it; some don't. Some seek it; others don't have to. You can have it, fear it, abuse it, hoard it or share it. POWER!

Power. We're afraid to be without it. I've known people who drink alcohol or use other drugs to gain power over their stress or circumstances. How ironic that in the end the chemicals and other addictions have all the power and these individuals are left feeling more powerless than ever. We fear power failures. Ever had your computer go down, the electricity go out? Power failures wreak havoc personally, technologically, socially and professionally.

Perhaps the most vivid demonstration of power I've ever witnessed involved my son, Adam. When he was ten, a fellow Little Leaguer, Brad, asked Adam to go to an amusement park with him. Where's the power in this simple invitation? Consider: Brad was the pitcher and one of the most popular kids on the team. Adam was the new kid and as yet unproved on the field. "He asked me to go, Mom!" Adam said beaming. "That's great, Adam," I replied, thinking of the logistics involved. He must have read my thoughts, because he gently took my face in his hands and said in utter seriousness, "No, Mom. He chose me!" What I failed to understand was the power of choice, of being singled out as significant. Adam had been chosen. That was power -- power to make or break the day of one so vulnerable. 

Christ chose us -- what ultimate power and unfathomable love! He gave His life so we could live abundantly, eternally. The Holy Spirit empowers us to share the Gospel so others can know they, too, are chosen. And because we are God's chosen children, we can be His instruments in transforming the powerless to the power-filled. We can introduce positive change and growth into the lives of others so they can become all God created them to be. 

God's model of empowerment is reflected in His relationship with us. His Spirit empowers us to follow that model in our roles as parent, child, spouse, neighbor, friend, coworker. Consider how you might use these six steps to empower others:

Step 1: Acknowledge the source of power -- God. Don't try to control others, nibble power from people or lord it over anyone. We have no power without God. Give Him the glory and humbly believe that He gave His life for you. Admit you are powerless without Him; seek His guidance and reply on His power.

Step 2: Respect others. Regardless of age, size, ability, disability, position, gender, race or culture, demonstrate that we are all created in God's image. Would we make fun of God? Would we gossip about Him? God chose us. He respects us even when we are sinful. Respect the people He created.

Step 3: Respect yourself. Love your neighbor as yourself (Matthew 22:39) is a well-known, much-loved passage from Scripture. Yet we often love our neighbor, family or friends better than ourself. Put an end to negative, defeating self-talk. Stop beating yourself up for the past, for mistakes, for falling short of perfection. Jesus' atoning sacrifice made you perfect in the Father's eyes. Take care of the gift of love and life He has given you.

Step 4: Forgive, forgive, forgive ... and press on. Who among us is perfect? When others harm you or make mistakes, forgive them. When you blow it, forgive yourself. As Paul writes in Philippians 3:13, But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Step 5: Discipline yourself and your loved ones. The word "discipline" comes from "disciple," which means not "to punish" but "to teach." God disciplined the children of Israel in the wilderness because He wanted a faithful and obedient people. He let them experience the consequences of their rebellion. He did so to save His people. Undisciplined and unruly people create havoc in relationships and society. Submit yourself to God's discipline, and you will reap the benefits. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it (Hebrews 12:11).

Step 6: Constantly instill confidence and strength in the lives you touch. Put downs are easy to dish out, but they never build relationships. Learn to live in "construction zones" instead of in "put-down" zones. As Jack & Judith Balswick beautifully state in The Family, "empowering is the process of instilling confidence, of strengthening and building [others] up to become more powerful and competent. The most effective empowerers are those individuals who have themselves been empowered by the unconditional love of God."* 

Power. By the grace of God we have it. By the grace of God we can give it away!

* The Family: A Christian Perspective on the Contemporary Home, Jack & Judith Balswick, Baker Book House, Grand Rapids, Michigan, 1991.

Marilyn Bader is prevention training coordinator for the National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Abuse--St. Louis Area. Her background also includes teaching, youth ministry and counseling.

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Power Connection
by Roger Sonnenberg

Do you remember mission festivals? They were annual events celebrating foreign missionary work. The services would usually be held outside, often under the trees or under a tent. A potluck dinner would follow, along with special activities. I remember especially the ones held at St. Paul's Lutheran Church in Vergas, Minnesota.

What made the mission festivals so memorable? Was it the food? the fellowship? the missionaries who came as guest speakers? As wonderful as those things were, what made the festivals so memorable was what took place later on the field behind the cemetery. It was a game of softball. The older folks would play the kids. There wasn't any choosing of players; everyone got to play. Everyone was affirmed. No one said, "You get Roger!" There wasn't any teasing or taunting if you didn't hit the ball. In fact, the adults would do everything within their power to help you get a hit!

I remember one time. I was 11. I swung! The wooden bat cracked as it connected with a fast-moving softball. The ball flew high into the air, beyond the barb wire fence that kept the Richter's cows from eating flowers off the graves. Everyone cheered! For me -- the one no one ever wanted on his team!

The softball game was really more than a game. It was a prelude, a tiny glimpse of a sacred fellowship we will some day share in heaven. For a clumsy little boy who was never chosen first on the school playground, the game was about grace -- bountiful grace, wonderful grace. It was about acceptance even if you were the worst player on the field.

There was a different attitude, a different spirit, in those church softball games. Could it have been because the tombstones surrounding the field echoed a silent reminder: "Hey, there's more to life than winning a softball game?" What does it profit a man ... [to be the best player in town or to win the world championship] yet lose his soul? (see Luke 9:25).

Yes, I have fond memories of the old-fashioned mission festivals -- because of grace, grace on a softball field. It was the grace of a loving God who had sent His Son to die for the sins of the world and for my sins, too. It was the grace I saw in others through the transforming power of the Holy Spirit. It was grace that empowered me to be all that I could be. As explained by Jack and Judith Balswick, "Empowering is the process of helping another recognize strengths and potentials within, as well as encouraging and guiding the development of these qualities."*

This is how it work in families. Grace empowers, not the law. God's grace. The grace we share because of the grace given to us through Jesus Christ.

* The Family: A Christian Perspective on the Contemporary Home, Jack & Judith Balswick, Baker Book House, Grand Rapids, Michigan, 1991.

Rev. Roger Sonnenberg is pastor of Our Savior Lutheran Church in Arcadia, California. 

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Empower (verb): to give power or authority to
by Laura Priebe

What happens when the power goes out? It's nice to imagine the "happy family" in that situation: Outside the thunderstorm is raging. Inside Father gropes in the dark for a flashlight or candle. Mother calms the little ones' fears with whispered prayers, and they all snuggle in the big bed.

But suppose the reason for the power outage is an unpaid electric bill. Suppose there is just one parent around, and the little ones' fears are just an echo of a single parent's fears. What happens when the power goes out then?

Leo Tolstoy begins his novel, Anna Karenina, with this short observation, "Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." Now more than ever, families come in different shapes and sizes. It seems simplistic to categorize them as "happy" or "unhappy." And all families are faced with life's hardships -- such as a shortage of electricity or money or patience.

So what happens when the power goes out? As Christian families, we may not always resemble the "happy family" image. We may blame each other, complain about the power company and generally curse the darkness. The difference is that we know the true source of power, our Triune God.

To empower means "to give power or authority to." God empowers us by giving us His Spirit, through whom we are strengthened with a power far greater than the power than lights our lamps and runs our appliances. Only God's power is strong enough to move us to true happiness. Through the gift of our faith, we can respond to life's power outages just as the "happy family" does -- we look for a light, and we pray as Jesus taught us, Thine is the ... power.

Laura Priebe, a former high school German and English teacher, is a freelance writer from Lawrenceburg, Indiana, where she lives with her husband and two young sons.

If you could use some help during a dark time, call Family Connection. 1-800-351-1001.

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Be All You Can Be
by Vivian Hauser, Family Connection Staff Director

"Be all you can be." The army understands empowerment. The Christian army, with an even better source of power, should understand it, too. 

Gary Smalley and John Trent promote that understanding in their book, The Blessing. We can help those around us -- friend, spouse, child -- be all they can be by using the five elements the authors found in biblical blessings: 

1) Meaningful touch
2) A spoken message
3) Attaching "high value" to the one being blessed
4) Picturing a special future for the one being blessed
5) An active commitment to fulfill the blessing

There is now a whole list of books based on The Blessing. My favorite is the children's book, I'd Choose You, in which Norbert the elephant (who rides a roller coaster to school) is painfully aware that he is never quite the best at anything. The panda is more lovable. The flamingo is more talented. The butterfly is more beautiful. Every day when Mother asks Norbert who he thinks is best at something, he ponders all the likely answers and names someone else. And every day he is surprised when his mother says, "Guess which one I'd choose every time? I'd choose you."

God chooses us, too, and not because we're the smartest or the most beautiful or the best. He chooses us because He made us and because He loves us and because He sent His Son to prove it. Because He chooses us and gives us the power of the Holy Spirit, we can say to those around us, "God loves you and so do I." That's empowerment.

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Resources to help you:

The Blessing, Gary Smalley and John Trent, Pocket Books, 1986

I'd Choose You: The Blessing for Children, John Trent, Word Publishing, 1994

Also by Gary Smalley and John Trent from Thomas Nelson Publishers:
The Blessing Workbook, A Dad's Blessing, The Gift of the Blessing, Giving the Blessing, 

In Search of the Blessing and The Legacy of the Blessing

My Father's Hands by Mimi Dannhaus Koonce

I just couldn't help it. I had to touch my father's folded hands there in the casket. They had meant so much to me through the five decades I knew them and their owner.

They were the hands that had taken water and placed it on me in Holy Baptism. I was buried with Christ into His death and raised with Him, so that I walk forever in newness of life.

They were the hands that had milked cows, fired stoves, chopped wood, hoed and picked cotton, and occasionally warmed my behind when I needed it. When I had asthma attacks, those hands held and rocked me, helping me breathe. When I was confirmed in my faith, those hands laid God's blessing on my head.

They were the hands, too, that placed Joel's hand into mine at our wedding. Later, they reached out to hug our children. They were were hands that held mine when our daughter, Beth, died.

How much those fatherly hands had done for me! They were the hands of a loving dad, yes, but also hands that truly represented the hands of my heavenly Father. No wonder even God the Son cried out as He died, Father, into Your hands I commend my spirit (Luke 23:46a). After finishing the tremendous payment for our salvation, He would feel completely safe in His Father's hands.

My father is now in the presence of His Savior, where he joyfully and thankfully views the nail-scarred hands. I dearly miss my father, but I know one day, when I too have received the crown of life, I will be able to turn around, reach out again and clasp the hands through which God blessed me so often and so richly.

Mimi Dannhaus Koonce wrote these words in honor of her father, Rev. Herman Dannhaus.

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Editor: Janice Kerper Brauer
Design and production: Lois Schroeder
Advisors: Debra Herman, Sandy Thompson 

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