Family Connection

Sept./Oct. 1999

We will listen! 1-800-351-1001

Is there a place for quiet 
in your fast-paced life?

Index of Articles

From the Editor

Finding Your Way Home

Faith Talk

Problems or Possibilities

Family Connection Extends Hours of 800 Line

From the editor ...

"Making Home a Grace Place" is the theme for all the Family Connection newsletters in 1999. We have been taking a look at the home, room by room, and focusing on how what happens in each of those rooms can demonstrate the grace of the Lord Jesus.

This issue centers on ... well, we don’t know quite what to call it. It could be a den, a study, an entertainment room or a home office. It’s the place where you watch TV or a movie, listen to music, play Nintendo or surf the Net. How do all these activities affect the family? Is technology our friend or enemy? Are the media helping or hurting us? Where do simple, "old-fashioned" family activities fit in? 

We hope this issue of Family Connection will answer some of those questions and provide encouragement as you make your home a grace place in these challenging days. Don’t miss the September/October prayer calendar on page four. And remember, Family Connection is there for you whenever you call 1-800-351-1001.

Janice Kerper Brauer

Editor

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Finding Your Way Home

Now I lay me down to sleep, pray the Lord my soul to keep. Guide me, Jesus, through the night; wake me in the morning light. God bless mommy, daddy, all my grandmas and grandpas, my brother, my friends, and thank you, Jesus, for coming home! Amen!

by Lori Aadsen

When our sons Joshua and Gabriel were only infants, we started the nightly ritual of bedtime prayers. As they grew, we added the question: "What are you thankful for today?" At first we would get the normal kid responses such as hitting a home run, getting an "A" on my spelling test, having apple pie for dessert. As the years marched ahead, we began to hear a new phrase at the end of each prayer: "Most of all, I’m thankful for coming home!"

Our home seems to buzz with constant noise and activity: trumpet and French horn lessons, baseball and soccer games, choir practices, birthday parties and sleepovers. Sometimes our kids’ schedules look more like the schedules of busy executives! Yet, at the end of a hectic day, our now 12- and 15-year-old sons still want to be tucked into their beds at night and share prayers together. The familiar words, "I’m thankful for coming home," continue to ring throughout our home each evening, and we thank God for the security and warmth He has given our children through the love of a Christ-centered home.

How is this atmosphere created? If you are the parent of a young child, it is helpful to begin with the end in mind. Close your eyes for a moment and imagine your child at age 18. Ask yourself: "What kind of home do I want my child to look back on years from now?" 

Occasionally we all try to keep up with the family next door. Whether its music lessons, gymnastics or computer classes, dance or sports camps, we embark on a quest to raise "superkids." What is a "superkid?" The world’s definition is this: A child raised with every advantage; one who works hard to have an edge, to excel, to be the best! It’s not enough to have average children, we must have gifted children!

However, God says our children are already superkids! 

Before the world was made, God had already chosen us to be his in Christ, so that we would be holy and without fault before him (Ephesians 1:4 TEV).

God has already made us the best through the suffering, death and resurrection of His son, Jesus!

Amidst the mad dash into the 21st century, we can still have close, loving families with God’s help. It involves setting priorities that model healthy patterns of behavior for our children. Helping children set limits and controls by our example is a lesson more important than running off to another class.

Use the following checklist to evaluate how you feel about your priorities and time commitments: 

What areas are you most pleased with? What areas could be improved? How?

This week try relaxing your standards. Not everything has to be perfect! Say "no" to extra projects, social engagements, classes and invitations that threaten your priorities. 

When your children are adults, you will probably not look back and say, "I wish I had enrolled Susie and Jake in more activities and lessons," but you may wish you had spent more time at home strengthening family relationships and nurturing faith!

Most parents want to create family rituals that foster life-long memories and build faith, but they don’t know where to begin. Consider the common daily rituals that are the very glue of family life:

Mealtime: Make family meals a priority even if it means frozen pizza. The dinner table is a place for sharing daily joys, struggles and faith stories.

Bathtime: Sing "Jesus Loves Me" and remind your child of his or her baptism. Talk of how God washed away our sins and made us His children. Don’t forget to get out pictures and baptism memorabilia periodically in celebration of baptismal birthdays!

Bedtime: Add family faith sharing to your bedtime prayers. Ask your child about a happy thing and a sad thing that happened today. Lift these up to God in prayer.

Starry, Starry Night: Take the family outside on a dark night to tell a bedtime Bible story and gaze at the stars. Try to identify some of the constellations using an astronomy book for children. Read Genesis 1:14-19 and Psalm 19:1. Give thanks to God for His creation!

Family Forts: Use sheets, blankets and chairs to build a fort together. Then crawl inside with a Bible and flashlight. Read Psalm 46:1-3 and talk about God’s care and protection.

Car Time: Make the most of your time in the car. Play tapes of children’s Bible stories and songs or of contemporary Christian music for older children. Talk about God’s daily love and care.

Renowned psychologist David Elkind says, "The child who leaves the early years with a strong sense of security, a healthy feeling of self-esteem, and an enthusiasm for living and learning is well prepared for an admittedly rapidly changing and difficult world." (Miseducation: Preschoolers at Risk, Alfred A. Knopf Publishing). 

The best way to raise a "superkid" is to find your way home! If you will take the time to let God shine His light through the windows of your home, you will discover that your children are indeed super kids in Christ! 

Lori Aadsen is associate director in the LCMS Department of Child Ministry. She and her family live in Houston, Texas.

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Faith Talk

by Barry Keurulainen

We built the house five years ago. Each room has its own special warmth, except one—the study. When we built the house, my dream was to have a study like Ward Cleaver’s in "Leave it to Beaver." Remember? I wanted a place I could go for quiet and solitude. 

Well, our study has potential. There is a reclining chair in it as well as pictures of the family and lots of books. But there are also an ironing board, a Nordic Trac and laundry. The room is a cross between a work room and a study—hardly a place to retreat for quiet and solitude. 

The condition of that room, however, is a picture of life itself. So many things make it difficult to just be still and know who is God. Difficult yes, but so important! If you doubt that, consider Jesus. Read Mark 1:32-39. In the morning, long before dawn, he got up and left the house, (maybe his study was crowded, too) and went off to a lonely place and prayed there" (Mark 1:35). What makes this statement stand out so strongly are the verses that precede it, with all of their activity and busyness. 

The example of Jesus reminds me that a life without a quiet place is a life in danger. It is in the quiet place that I am reminded I cannot take on the day by myself. I am reminded that fulfillment in life is found in following His will, not mine.

But the question remains, "How does one find time for solitude and study?" "How does one get rid of the ironing board?" 

Allow me to offer some ideas that have worked for me:

Get a dog (or some other excuse to walk). We have two of them. Dogs need to be walked. That is my morning task. It is also a great time for prayer. Dogs don’t talk a lot.

Get a chair. Find one chair that is your quiet place—the place where you pray, read and study His Word. Over time, that chair will become a warm and familiar spot where you and God have shared deep and meaningful communication.

Get a book. Find an inspirational Christian book and read a few pages each morning. This has been the most successful way for my wife and me to share devotions together. We read out loud, talk and pray. It takes months to get through a book, but we’ve discovered the day is not the same without this special time. I recommend Ken Gire’s Windows of the Soul as a good place to begin.

Get a tape. Find a tape of your favorite Christian music. Play it while you are in the chair or with the dog. When no one is looking, take the risk and sing out loud with the music. The dog won’t mind.

The ironing and treadmill can wait, let the first thing of the day be the time you spend with Him.

Rev. Barry Keurulainen is pastor of St. Luke Lutheran Church, Cabot, Pennsylvania, and chairman of Family Connection’s board of directors.

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Problems or Possibilities

There is no faith, no love, and no knowledge of God in the land. There is cursing, lying ... stealing, and adultery ... there is one murder after another. 

Does that sound like a description of contemporary society? Actually, those are words written centuries ago by the prophet Hosea. It seems the problems confronting each generation are pretty much the same. 

As people call the Family Connection 800-number, we hear about the hurt some of these problems cause when they strike close to home. We know how tempting it is to give in to despair and to throw up our hands at the state of things these days. 

But we’d like to encourage you with a reminder that problems are also possibilities. They are opportunities to turn to God in prayer and trust and to see what He will do to fulfill His promise to work all things for good for His children (Romans 8:28).

For each of the following "problem" areas, we want to offer some possibilities of positive action that can be taken to help you, your family and your world. 

Violence

Violence, especially in our schools, is on everyone’s mind as schools across the nation begin a new school year. Here’s how some people are trying to make a difference in the lives of youth. 

• A midwestern church sponsored a Breakfast Club under the theme "Making Peace Not War." The club met once a week for four weeks and helped teens understand what contributes to violence and how they can be peacemakers in their homes and schools. 
• Concordia Publishing House (CPH) published an on-line Bible study, Responding to Crisis by Jane Fryar. Two versions of the study are available, one for elementary students and one for adults. Look at www.cph.org. 
• Also from CPH is a Bible study for junior and senior high students: Bad Things Happen to Good People. This study helps teens understand the consequences of living in a fallen world and points them to God’s grace. 

Many people are also concerned about the influence of media on youth and families. Here are some resources to help you:

• The National Institute on Media and the Family has prepared Media Quotient, a research-based measurement tool that helps families evaluate their media use. It includes a family inventory, media profile and one-year subscription to MediaWise Newsletter. For more information call 1-888-672-5437 or check out www.mediafamily.org. 
• Also from the National Institute on the Media and the Family is David Walsh’s award-winning book, Unplug Your Kids, which helps parents reduce violence by monitoring media habits. 

Is the Internet a friend or foe for families? While we need to be aware of the dangers of the Internet, there are also positive aspects to this advance in technology.

• Donna Hughes offers suggestions for protecting your children in cyberspace in Kids Online (Baker Book House). The book includes step-by-step directions for keeping kids safe while allowing them the many benefits of the Internet. 
• E-mail is a great way to share prayer requests quickly. If your church has a prayer chain, consider using e-mail when possible. The prayer need will get out there immediately, and you won’t need to leave voice messages or call back those who weren’t home. 
• You can also use e-mail to organize an emergency help system in your congregation or among a small group of caring friends. When a need arises (someone enters the hospital and the family needs a meal or childcare) you can spread the word quickly and mobilize the help that is needed. 
• Many free daily devotions are available via the Internet. For starters, check out the Lutheran Hour Ministry’s site at www.lhm.org (click on E-Mail Services) or visit www.heartlight.org (click on Heartlight by Email). 

Common sense tells us that children who feel acceptance, love and a sense of belonging are less likely to look for those things in the wrong places. Your home, church or neighborhood can help provide this vital foundation.

• Search Institute in Minneapolis has resources to help families, churches and communities develop programs that build 40 specific assets in youth. These assets include having nonparent adults who care for and support the youth, being involved in community clubs or organizations, wanting to do well in school, helping others, learning to plan ahead and make decisions, being able to stand up for one’s beliefs. Assets can also be seen as a set of personal qualities, experiences and relationships that help young people succeed and live healthy lives. For more information, call 1-800-888-7828 or check out www.search-institute.org. 
• For Bible-based advice to help you prepare your children to grow up, head out and make wise decisions, consult How to Risk-Proof your Kids by Kathleen Winkler (CPH). 
• In Bringing Up Kids Without Tearing Them Down (Thomas Nelson Publishers), Dr. Kevin Leman combines real-life examples with practical insight to help parents raise confident, responsible children. Topics include self-worth in children, identifying and breaking out of unhealthy parenting habits, and learning effective discipline strategies. 

Family Connection Extends Hours of 800 Line 

Families and individuals can now reach Family Connection from 7:30 a.m.-10:00 p.m. Monday-Friday and 7:30 a.m.-1:00 p.m. on Saturday. When you call, someone from our staff will listen to you and connect you with helpful resources related to your area of concern. We will also be glad to pray with and for you. To share a prayer request, use the form below or call 1-800-351-1001.

The Prayer Connection

Family Connection welcomes the opportunity to pray for our friends and callers. 

You can help support Family Connection’s ministry of listening, praying and caring when you send a tax-deductible gift. 

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Please make checks payable to: Family Connection.

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Mail to: Family Connection
3558 S. Jefferson Ave.
St. Louis, MO 63118-3969

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