Family
Connection
Nov./Dec. 1999
We will listen! 1-800-351-1001
Is a simple Christmas really possible?
Our house has an open floor plan, and the kitchen is at the center. The kitchen seems to be the center of our family life, too. It’s where we eat, do homework, touch base at the end of a busy day. The kitchen is also the place where things occasionally get broken and where tempers sometimes flare.
As the holidays approach, I’ll probably be spending even more time in the kitchen. A lot of our Thanksgiving and Christmas traditions involve food. Perhaps yours do, too. This issue of Family Connection offers ideas for keeping things simple during the hectic holidays and for keeping families close through special times together and through the gift of prayer.
Janice Kerper Brauer, Editor
by Leslie Maycroft
I wasn’t expecting the instantaneous, vehement and unanimous opposition leveled at me by my three college-age children. It was Thanksgiving weekend. As our yearly tradition of cutting down a Christmas tree, placing it in the stand and decorating it together unfolded, I pulled out a lovely new Christmas tree topper.
The previous summer I had purchased a gorgeous, wooden rosemalled star for the top of the tree. Its deep hues happened to match the living room perfectly. What a find! It could replace the pathetic looking dove the children had received at church one Christmas Eve years ago.
"But it’s tradition!" they insisted as I pointed out how worn and flat the old dove looked. The eldest held the dove lovingly in her hand, moving toward the tree to put it where everyone but me felt it belonged.
I was ready to defend my beautiful new star, but as I looked at my three nearly adult children, I backed off. Isn’t this what I had wanted so long ago? Hadn’t my hope been to establish traditions they would love, hold sacred and that would bind us together even when they were off making their own lives?
Pondering all this, I realized the dove carries special meaning for my children. First of all, it means they were once young and, sometimes, they long to regress to that very safe state. For a few minutes, as they decorate the tree, they are not feeling like 17-, 19-, and 22-year-olds but rather like nurtured little children whose biggest task of the day is to make the tree pretty. We all need occasional safe places for that kind of healthy regression. The dove assures them there is a place where they can still be childlike.
The dove provides something else we all need—constancy. It was there when the children were five, and it is there in the box waiting to be pulled out the next Christmas and the next. It remains constant and reliable even through the vast changes of their lives.
The dove carries memories of tree decorating and tree gazing. These memories include warm family connections, excitement and even the not-so-pleasant decorating times when we were impatient with each other or fought over who got to put up what or spilled hot chocolate on the carpet because someone was goofing around.
The dove is also a reminder of the children’s Christmas Eve worship services. In the dove, they see the image of the sanctuary and the church’s Christmas tree laden with ornaments. They remember the thrill of being handed their very own ornament as they left the church. A love of Christmas Eve worship (and all worship) was enhanced through those times.
Most importantly, the dove carries spiritual meaning for my children. The dove is the sacred symbol of peace—the gift brought by the baby Jesus. My children need this peace as they move through the challenging years ahead. This symbol of peace watches from the top of the tree. It watches over our family’s Christmas awe and wonder.
The meanings the dove carries are special because they are collective meanings. We don’t have to explain to each other what the dove means; probably we couldn’t. But as my vehement children grow older and have more experiences that tug them away from the sacred meanings of the dove, I can depend, with renewed confidence, that its presence in our home will always provide deep significance. What a beautiful tree topper!
Leslie Maycroft is a licensed psychologist at Creative Family Systems in Minneapolis and a part-time teacher at Mt. Hope-Redemption Lutheran School in Bloomington, Minnesota.
by Bruce Cameron
This man welcomes sinners and eat with them (Luke 15:2).
This was an accusation leveled against Jesus by the Pharisees, who saw themselves as keepers of society’s norms with the task of raising the moral level of society. To hear the impact of this accusation, don’t picture Jesus at a banquet dinner with long tables or at a formal meal in a stately dining room. Instead, picture Jesus at your kitchen table.
For many of us, the kitchen table is where we sit and talk. Push the plates aside, sip a cup of coffee or tea, and just relax and visit. When friends drop by or when husband and wife, parents and children want to spend time together, the kitchen is the place.
Kitchen life—at mealtime and after dinner—is such a blessing; it is a great tragedy when it falls apart. Better a meal of vegetables where there is love than a fattened calf with hatred. ... Better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a house full of feasting with strife (Proverbs 15:17, 17:1). When there is the wrong kind of "heat" and "coldness" in our kitchens, we have a place to turn. Bring Jesus into the kitchen. This doesn’t mean we picture Him as the invisible scold, watching and disapproving. Rather, see Jesus as the Pharisees saw Him: This man welcomes sinners and eats with them.
When Jesus ate with tax collectors such as Matthew or Zacchaeus, when He ate with prostitutes and apparently well-known sinners of the town, He was doing more than being generous and inclusive. To eat with people meant to share their lives, to sit with them as an equal. When Jesus sat at the table with sinners, He was making Himself their equivalent—an outcast, a moral failure, a sinner.
This is the same way we need Jesus in our kitchens. He is the friend who will be with us in all we go through. He is the Savior who became a sinner for us, even at the cost of His innocent life. By His grace, we can speak gentle words, forgiving and loving words; we can listen and share the needs and hurts and joys of others at the table. We’re just passing down the table the plateful of gifts we have been given.
Think of your kitchen as a place of blessing. When we ask Jesus to come and be our guest in the kitchen, His gifts to us are more than just the food on the table. The people we share the food with, the all-too-limited time we have together—these are His gifts, which we ask Him to bless. Jesus Himself comes as a gift (think John 3:16), and where He is there will be blessing.
What Jesus was accused of is our promise and invitation: This man welcomes sinners and eats with them.
Rev. Bruce Cameron is pastor of St. John Lutheran Church in Sparta, Illinois. He and his wife, Nelda, have four children.
by Bernice Bunkowske
My husband Gene and I celebrated our first Christmas together in Nigeria, where we served as missionaries for 20 years. We invited two single missionary friends, piled into our VW bug and drove through a heavy downpour to the mud, palm-roofed church. The unseasonable rain did not dampen the spirits of the Nigerian people dressed in their new, brightly colored clothes. Palm frond arches with hibiscus flowers decorated the church, and the people sang joyful acappella praise in harmony in a service that lasted several hours.
After the service, we enjoyed dinner in our home. Our Christmas "tree" was made of palm fronds tied to a broomstick form with homemade paper ornaments. Groups of children came to sing for us, and we gave them the customary small gifts of money.
The second year we relocated to a new mission area where the Yala people were not yet Christians. Although Jesus was still unknown to them, everyone in the village observed Christmas day. Their celebration included wearing their one new outfit of clothing for the year (a gift from the head of the house), visiting in each others’ homes and feasting on rice with chicken in tomato sauce. The first year we had no clue what to do with all the food brought to our house by our neighbors—until the next people came to visit.
Our own family always celebrated on Christmas Eve with a special dinner that featured treats like canned shrimp in cocktail sauce, olives, and a special fruit juice-and-ginger ale drink with a cherry. This was followed by Gene reading the Christmas story from the Bible, praying together and singing Christmas carols with me playing guitar and the boys sometimes joining in on drums and gourd shakers.
Then came the anticipated gift exchange. The gifts were simple, often homemade—wood crafts made by the boys in school, creations sewn by the girls or little trinkets bought in the market. Only one gift was opened at a time, and the receiver gave a kiss or hug and a thank you to the giver before the next gift was opened.
It was the anticipation of being together that helped make Christmas special. Our children attended boarding school 360 miles away. They came home twice a year, two months in summer and five weeks at Christmas. Except for gifts, we started Christmas preparations as soon as they arrived home in December. We baked and decorated cookies. We put up small replicas of Christmas trees. But we kept the material preparations to a minimum, not wanting to emphasize that part of Christmas to the people around us who did not even understand what Christmas was all about.
After 14 years of village life, Gene’s next assignment meant a move to the city of Ibadan. That brought many changes. We no longer had the local community or missionary friends to celebrate with. So we invited a family who had no church connections and were also expatriates to our Christmas American style. It was a wonderful way to share Christ with people who needed to know Him.
Our move back to the United States was an even bigger change. Our children, then college students, had short vacations. The first Christmas I tried to include everything. So much was available! I got caught up in cooking, baking, trying to buy just the right gifts. I became so distraught I vowed never again to make Christmas preparations so important. God helped me refocus.
Our family has grown to include the spouses of our four children as well as seven grandchildren. The only grandchild who lives nearby helps decorate the tree, placing the nativity set under the tree and the baby Jesus in the basket. Christmas Eve dinner is still special, followed by the Christmas story dramatized by the children. Our singing of carols is accompanied by various instruments now, and our gift exchange is far less organized with the larger family group.
The simplicity of our Nigerian Christmas celebration is difficult to repeat in this world of commercialism. We find we must be intentional about remaining focused on the true meaning of Christmas.
Our son Walt, now a pastor, remembers Christmas as a happy time, a family time, as well as a time for reading the Christmas story, playing games and going out to sing with the children in the community.
What will your children and grandchildren remember about Christmas in your home? It’s never too late to create warm memories that center around the Savior. Consider these suggestions:
Develop a plan for how you will celebrate Christmas. Set limits for money and time spent and stick to them.
Lead your family to discover joy in the Christmas celebration. Let the children and grandchildren know your priorities are about the wonderful Savior and His great gift of salvation.
Become involved with providing for the needs of others during the holiday season. Purchase food or gifts for those in financial difficulties or in prison.
Invite a family that is not a church family to join you for special Christmas worship services or concerts.
Remember to include in your family those who might otherwise be alone during the holidays.
In Nigeria or anywhere, Christmas is indeed something to sing about, something to rejoice about, something to share with the world.
Bernice Bunkowske and husband Gene live in Fort Wayne, Indiana. Bernice’s story of their years in Nigeria is recounted in a new book, Dreams Dawn in Africa, published by the Lutheran Women’s Missionary League.
Family Connection
Editor: Janice Kerper Brauer
Design and production: Lois J. Schroeder
Advisors: Rev. Darold Reiner, Sandy Thompson
Family Connection is published bimonthly by Family Connection, a ministry of Lutheran Family Association, providing Christian resources and caring spiritual support to families, individuals and churches.
Family Connection is also available in Spanish, Braille and large print.
Family Connection can be ordered in bulk for the families in your church, Sunday School, day school or preschool and used as a family-friendly outreach tool. Call for more information.
by Ruby Young
Christmas is unique both in origin and endurance. Nations rise and fall. Attempts have been made to ban Christmas. Yet is has survived in all its splendor into the 21st century.
Christmas and families blend well. No matter the makeup of your family, the celebration increases in meaning and momentum when shared by family.
Children add excitement. Their eyes shine like stars. Their hands and feet are never still. We thrill to or block out their chatter and questions, their voices exploding in song. Theirs is a spontaneous joy devoid of the complexities and hassles often experienced by adults.
One way our family tries to preserve the childlike joy of Christmas is to draw upon our Christmas "filling station"—our own set of traditions that go with the holidays.
Fill Your Home with Music
In years gone by, caroling had a special significance, particularly in rural communities. A procession of cars would travel from farm house to farm house. Caroling began outside, beneath the stars. Then lights would appear inside, and all were invited to enter. More carols were sung. Cookies, hot chocolate and other goodies were served.
Several years ago, during my husband’s home confinement, a group from church stopped by to carol. For some, it was a new experience. They were amazed that my husband, minus hair due to chemotherapy, pale and bedridden, could sing the carols from memory.
Fill Your Home with Fragrance
Cookie baking is traditional for us. While not as costly nor as rare as the gifts of the Magi, those cookies warm many hearts. Precious is the memory of a little one encased in flour from fingertip to tip of the nose, eyes sparkling above a dazzling smile of contentment.
The smell of blueberry muffins is also part of our Christmas. One year when the children were small, an elderly couple invited us for dinner. I don’t remember what they served besides blueberry muffins, but our four young ones ate little else. Several days before Christmas a large suitbox was delivered to our door. It was filled with blueberry muffins!
Pine is another traditional fragrance of Christmas. Unlimited are the choices of Christmas trees, and equally diverse are the decorations. Many of ours have been accumulated over the years—a combination of those handmade by the children, some purchased at after-Christmas sales, and others trinkets from travels. In a quiet moment after the decorations were hung, I realized ours was a memory tree. Only after placing the crèche underneath did it become a Christmas tree.
Fill Your Home with Praise and Prayer
When our children were young, we used the Christmas cards we received as decorations, attaching a red velvet ribbon and hanging them from the ceiling molding. This simple tradition can be incorporated into family devotions or one-on-one prayer with children at bedtime. Each child selects his or her favorite card. Together adults and children talk about the card and sing an appropriate carol or hymn. Then the sender’s name is included in prayer.
Other decorations, such as Advent wreaths, also provide a special focal point for family devotions during the holidays. Setting aside a few moments after a meal to light the Advent candle and read a Scripture adds so much richness to the family’s Christmas preparations.
So, celebrate the season; celebrate its simplicity, its complexity. Revel in its majesty, the miracle of the event. Raise your eyes to the glory of it. Rejoice that Christmas will continue ’til time is no more.
Ruby Young is a wife, mother and grandmother from Tulsa, Oklahoma, and serves on Family Connection’s prayer team.
Family Connection would love to share your joys or sorrows at this time of the year. To share a prayer request or just to talk, call 1-800-351-1001. We are here week days early morning until late evening and on Saturday mornings. And if we miss your call, we will respond to your message promptly.
The Holiday Connection
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