Family Connection

Spring 1996

We will listen! 1-800-351-1001

Table of Contents

Dear Mark and Katie,by Thomas Couser
Power Connection, by Rev. Charles S. Mueller, Sr.
A Dad's Thoughts on Letting Go, by David Brighton 
Something Big! by Rev. Norb Oesch, Chairman, Lutheran Family Association

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Dear Mark and Katie

"But, Dad, we won't know anyone!" It had become a familiar lament as, Sunday after Sunday, our family visited another church. The kids were willing participants in worship, but whenever I suggested Sunday school they balked. 

We had left our previous church when I resigned my position as director of Christian education. I had served in similar positions in various congregations for more than 25 years, and although I enjoyed the work I had sensed for some time that God had other plans for me. 

The end result was that I accepted a new part-time position with the Texas District of The Lutheran Church--Missouri Synod, working in youth and family ministry. The balance of my time I would devote to freelance writing. 

This year of transition has meant a major adjustment for our family. The search for a new church was complicated by the fact that Mark, our 14-year-old, had one year of confirmation instruction yet to go. I understood his hesitancy to join a new group of kids. He was grieving the end of some long relationships too. 

In time we found a church, but decided that, for this year, I would home school Mark and 12-year-old Katie in confirmation instruction. The time we spend together has given us the opportunity to talk about Christian values in a very personal way. I remember the discussion we had regarding the sixth commandment: Thou shalt not commit adultery. Both Mark and Katie have had good training when it comes to understanding the basics of sexuality. But I was espeically pleased with their response to the meaning behind the commandment. "Sexuality is a gift from God," Katie explained. They both assured me of their desire to practice sexual abstinence until marriage. That experience alone makes our "home-school confirmation" worthwhile. 

Martin Luther's Small Catechism was actually written for use in homes. Each section begins with, "As the head of the family should teach it in a simple way to his household...." 

Over time we have lost that focus. Many parents have been all too willing to relinquish their responsibility. But God intended the Christian home to be the primary vehicle for spiritual growth. In Ephesians 6:4b He tells parents to bring [children] up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Proverbs 22:6 reminds parents to train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. So, how can parents re-assume this privileged role? Consider the following: 

• Become part of the education process. Volunteer to teach your child's Sunday school or weekday school class. Find out what is being taught, and ask the teacher what you can do at home to reinforce what your child is learning. 
• Take religious field trips. Visit historic churches or synagogues in your town and provide opportunity for your children to ask questions. Worship at other churches and discuss each experience afterward. Visit historic sites that hold religious significance. 
• Stress the spiritual meaning of holidays. We often talk about the "real meaning" of Christmas and Easter, but what about other festivals? Discuss the significance of Ash Wednesday and the implications of Good Friday. Place a liturgical calendar next to the regular calendar and talk about special days such as Ascension and Pentecost. 
• Seize the moment. Day-to-day events in the home offer many opportunities to teach faith. Instead of ordering the kids to turn off the TV when a questionable program comes on, talk about why it's inappropriate. Discuss current events and apply biblical principles to social issues. 
• Celebrate grace. When you forgive your child for something she has done, remind her that you are motivated by the love Jesus has for you. Tell her how your patience is rooted in the patience God has with us, His children. 
• Apply faith to real life. Each evening spend time with your child discussing his day. Include the joys and concerns you talk about in bedtime prayers. Many families have difficulty finding time for devotions. Perhaps the best time is at night, right before you tuck your child in. 
• Talk about your faith. In addition to all the changes my family has experienced this year, my part-time job requires my being away from home about one-third of the time. I talk with the kids about what I'm doing when I'm gone, and sometimes I write them a note: Dear Mark and Katie, I've had a good day working, but now I'm sitting in a lonely hotel room and I miss you. Guess I'll pull out my Bible before going to bed and spend some time with the Lord -- that's what keeps me going. I know you understand how God was part of the job-change decision I made. I believe I am where God wants me at this time, and I sure appreciate your support (and your mom's). Our family situation might change, but the God who created and loves us is still the same. 

Thomas Couser lives in Dallas, Texas, with his wife Barbara and children Peter, Mark and Katie. His first book, Real Men Pray, was recently published by CPH.

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Power Connection

Jesus was reared in such a great family that even when facing death He showed a caring concern for his mother (John 19:25-27). This doesn't come as a surprise, of course. A reading of Scripture makes it clear that in childhood His mother took care of Him. His dad was there for Him too. 

What we know of the early days of Jesus is told us in Matthew 1 and 2, together with Luke 1 and 2. At first glance that doesn't seem to be much reference material, but there's so much there about Jesus' home life and the spiritual character of His mom and dad. Let's check it out. Those chapters hold important stuff for families that would be faith-full and for professionals who would help families live faith-full lives. 

1) Take a few moments to read the four chapters cited. Pay attention to everything told us about Mary and Joseph before their marriage. Jot down your observations in two columns, titling one Mary and the other Joseph. Filter out the Christmasy froth that has attached itself to these two individuals, and let the inspired Gospel writers tell what they want us to know. Take little steps. Note all the details. Quite a pair, right? 

2) Now tighten your focus to Luke 2. Read it again. As you do, underline, and count, every use of the pronoun they that refers to Mary and Joseph or to Mary, Joseph and Jesus. Add in (and then add up) all the other references to Jesus' parents or their family. What was your total? Impressive, right? 

3) Where were they and what were they doing when the two/three of them were mentioned? How much of their activity was faith and family related? 

4) Write a sentence that can explain a relationship between Luke 2:41, 42 and the theme of this brief Bible study (faith-full families). Start by playing around with the phrases "every year" and "as was the custom." 

5) Describe in current terms, step by step, what took place after their religious obligation was fulfilled (Luke 2:43-50). How does faith-full living fit in with what happened? 

6) Even in the best of families some conflict remains unresolved, leaving differences between parents and children that are never bridged by understanding. That was true with Jesus and His family, too. But life was made easier the old fashioned way, by (Luke 2:51). Practicing that, Jesus came to grips with the tough teen tasks (a better translation than "grow") cited in Luke 2:52. Try to put verse 52 into terms that you use. 

And now, a question: Based on what you have uncovered in these four chapters who do you think, humanly speaking, helped Jesus come to the full maturity He practiced in later life? And how do you think that was done? 

Charles S. Mueller, Sr., is a "repositioned" pastor who, after 42 years in the parish, now writes, consults and serves the interest of the church through Wheat Ridge Ministries.

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A Dad's Thoughts on Letting Go

Last August our family of seven traveled 385 miles to take our oldest daughter Michelle to college. After getting her moved into the dorm and attending several events for parents of freshmen, we drove 385 miles back. It seemed longer on the way home. 

Not more than a week later Elizabeth, our youngest daughter, rode her bicycle without training wheels for the first time. I ran up and down the street with her several times, first holding on to the seat of the bike, then barely holding the back of her shoulder, and finally letting go. I was left standing on the sidewalk with a warm glow in my heart. 

We did all we could to prepare Elizabeth to ride that two-wheeler -- training wheels, knee pads and lots of encouragement. We did all we could to prepare Michelle for college -- brought her up in the Lord, shared the love of Jesus with her, gave lots of encouragement. 

As I watched Elizabeth's face, full of the joy and wonder of riding a two-wheeler, her hair blowing in the breeze, I couldn't help but think of Michelle walking across campus, her face full of the joy and wonder of being at college and putting her faith and life together away from Mom and Dad for the first time. I could almost see her hair blowing in the breeze. 

My daughters are growing up, I thought, and I've got to let them go! Then a quote from Martin Luther came to mind: "I have had many things in my hands and lost them all. But whatever I have placed in God's hands, that I still possess." 

David Brighton is pastor of St. Paul Lutheran Church in Parkersburg, West Virginia.

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Something Big!

Are you as concerned as I am about what's happening to families? False philosophies are eroding the bedrock on which Christian families should be built. Commitment and love are replaced by convenience and feeling. Our children, our grandchildren are under enormous threat unless we do something about it, do something big, and do something now. 

I believe with all my heart that Family Connection is doing something big for families. We are making a difference. Thousands of families and hundreds of churches receive resources and loving care through our 800-number and our newsletters. 

Family Connection's parent organization, Lutheran Family Association, is your family, and your family wants your help. We were initially funded by one couple who wanted to make a big difference for families. They gave a generous gift that has been invested in launching this ministry. However the initial gift is almost gone. 

We want you to partner with us. Will you help? Every contribution is significant, whether it is from those of you who can give only a little or those of you who are able to invest large dollars in family ministry. 

As an expression of our appreciation, we will send the new book Real Men Pray: Prayer Thoughts for Husbands & Fathers by Thomas Couser to those who are able to contribute $25 or more. 

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Family Fun Fest

Workshops will be offered on a variety of topics, including Christian Discipline, Family Finances, Letting Marriage Work, Resolving Conflict, After Divorce, Single Parenting, and Grandparenting. Child care will be offered as well as programs for grade-school children through high-schoolers. 

Sponsored by Trinity Lutheran Church, Kalispell, Montana, in partnership with Family Connection.
For registration information for Family Fun Fest '96 call 1-800-351-1001. Or go to our Webpage for registration. 

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Books & Resources

-- How the Christian spouse can be an effective witness in the family and take a stand when personal spiritual health is challenged. 

How to be a Great First-Time Father, William Lehmann (CPH)

-- How children develop spiritually and the vital role of fathers as they model the heavenly Father. 

The Strong Family, Charles R. Swindoll (Zondervan)

-- In this award-winning book, Swindoll offers timeless, biblical insights to help build and enrich family life. 

The Good Shepherd, a Magazine for Christian Parents, Viji George, Editor

-- A quarterly magazine for parents that uses a constructive approach to issues that impact children and families. 

For information and sample copies, call 1-800-588-GOOD. 

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Editor: Janice Kerper Brauer
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Advisors: Debra Herman, Sandy Thompson 

Family Connection and Prayer Connection are published quarterly by
Lutheran Family Association of The Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod. 

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