Family Connection

Winter 1996

We will listen! 1-800-351-1001

Table of Contents

Life in the Pressure Cooker, by Marilyn Bader
The Power Connection, by Rev. Darold Reiner
Stress Busters, by Mary Manz Simon
The Phone Call, by Gregory R. Williamson
Busy, Busy, Busy, by Tina Browning, Family Connection Staff Assistant
From the editor ... 

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Life in the Pressure Cooker
by Marilyn Bader

I got a microwave pressure cooker for Christmas. It was a nice gift, but the instructions scared me: 

• Check pressure regulator vent and pressure indicator stem and safety tube openings before opening. 
• For best results fill 1/2-2/3 full. DO NOT OVERFILL! 
• Do NOT jam regulator weight into place. 
• Indicator stem rises when cooker is under pressure. 
• When fully pressurized the regulator will "hiss and rock." This is normal and allows excessive steam to escape. 

Now consider that list and imagine the specific pressures that go with each activity. All jobs have pressure points -- deadlines, supervisors' or coworkers' expectations, layoffs, additional responsibilities for those who survive layoffs, changes in health care or retirement benefits. 

All parents know about pressure. The myriad details of parenting can be overwhelming as well as joy-filled. It's even more difficult when one parent assumes total responsibility. And we could all use a few more hours in the day. 

Some families have even more ingredients in the cooker -- illness, unemployment, abuse, addictions, divorce, financial troubles, an absence of faith in God. 

No wonder many of us experience pressure-cooker symptoms -- stress, strain, contents expanded to capacity. What can be done to prevent an explosion? Consider these ideas: 

• Install a pressure regulator vent. Talk it out. Let your spouse or a close friend listen while you vent your feelings. Physical activity can also alleviate stress. Take a walk, ride a bike, play tennis, join a softball league. Some people try to alleviate pressure by using alcohol, tobacco or other drugs, overeating, spending money that isn't there or getting involved in unhealthy relationships. Seek positive outlets instead. 
• For best results fill 1/2-2/3 full. Review your personal and professional agenda. Can you manage, delegate, delete or pace yourself to allow for "best results"? If there is no down time in your schedule, you are robbing yourself of time to rejuvenate. 
• DO NOT OVERFILL! Before you jam your days full of activities, ask yourself a few questions. Does this really need to be done today? Does this really need to be done by me? Am I letting "shoulds" or "oughts" govern my life? Do I want to pursue this? Does it serve a God-pleasing purpose? 
• Let someone help when you "hiss and rock." Deep down you know when you need relief. Do you allow someone to comfort you, minister to you, pray for you? It takes humility to let another person listen to your hissing and rocking and help bear your burden. 
• Take advantage of God's instruction manual -- the Bible. The power of passages that provide relief far surpasses the power of the pressure cooker. Explore Jeremiah 29:11, Psalm 23 or Matthew 11:28 just for starters. Too often we treat the Bible like a cookbook, referring to it only after we've messed up the recipe or are looking for something impressive to serve guests. Instruction books are to be read in advance until we become so familiar with the information it's a part of who we are and how we do things. When God's Word is written on our hearts we can experience peace even in the midst of pressure. 

Marilyn Bader is prevention training coordinator for the National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Abuse--St. Louis Area. Her background also includes teaching, youth ministry and counseling. 

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The Power Connection
by Rev. Darold Reiner 

When stress hits home it affects every one. No matter who is feeling pressure the most, it ripples out to the rest of the family. Short tempers and hurtful words often result. God's Word gives us an antidote through the apostle Paul: Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity (Colossians 3:12-14). 

Because we are favored with God's unconditional love and acceptance, we can live out these words in our families. Consider the difference it will make in your home when you: 

• Clothe yourself with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. It is significant that every one of the virtues and graces listed has to do with personal relationships. There is no mention of qualities like efficiency, cleverness or diligence, not that these are unimportant. But the primary response of God's children is demonstrated in how we relate to others. 
• Bear with each other. Resolving conflicts is crucial to keeping love alive. Affirm your love. Be willing to take the blame. Honest, concrete disappointments are easier to deal with than vague generalities. Be clear and direct about perceived hurts but refuse to express hostility. Recognize when hurts are so deep professional counseling is necessary. 
• Forgive. Remind yourself how much you have been forgiven by God. Don't be too proud to ask for forgiveness -- it is a mark of real strength. Pray that the Lord will help you focus on His will and lead you to more understanding and compassion for others. Pray for love, patience and a forgiving spirit. It is difficult to come away from meaningful prayer harboring resentment or anger. 
• Put on love. Refuse to be manipulated by Satan but let God's Spirit control your heart, tongue and attitudes. Paul says to "put on" love. He doesn't say to "feel" love or be "in" love. Rather He implores us to drape ourselves with the characteristics of love --compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience -- and let them cover negative thoughts and poor attitudes. We may not be able to control whether we feel love toward every one in our family, but we can always choose to act in love. 

Rev. Darold Reiner is pastor of Trinity Lutheran Church in Kalispell, Montana, and a member of Family Connection's Executive Council. Family Time: 

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Stress Busters 
by Mary Manz Simon

1996 Resolution: Reduce stress. This should be a relatively easy goal to meet this time of the year. After all, the holidays are over. Your family routine has reverted to normal. It's the mid-winter doldrums on the school calendar. But stress is a part of everyday life, even in the middle of winter. 

Here are some suggestions to make stress reduction a reality in 1996: 

• Be realistic. Stress is part of everyone's life. My oldest daughter scans the mail daily for scholarship responses. My son, a high school freshman, faces his first semester final exams. My pastor-husband is concerned about a family who hasn't been coming to church. 
• Prioritize. What are your goals as a parent or grandparent this year? What's really important in your life? Write down your thoughts on the top of a new calendar. That visual reminder will help you say "no" to activities and commitments that aren't important to meeting your 1996 objectives. 
• Access how stress impacts your life. This is a great topic to discuss with family members at dinner tonight. Identify the time of day you feel most tension and recognize how your body responds. Becoming aware of the ways stress effects us is the first step in dealing with its negative influences. 
• Celebrate workable coping techniques. Do you feel tension slip away during a daily walk? Do you relax over a cup of tea? Make a list of ways you effectively manage stress. Post your list on the refrigerator. Next time you snap at a child or yell at the dog, a family member might glance at the list and say, "Mom, it's time for your cup of tea!" 
• Be kind to yourself. Children aren't the only ones who benefit from "time out!" Give yourself permission to take a bubble bath or read a newspaper on the day it arrives. 
• Lean on the Lord. Off-load your stress directly to God through prayer. He is our greatest source of strength. 

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The Phone Call
by Gregory R. Williamson

I was doing what boys often do when my dad called from the front porch step. "Phone, Greg," he shouted. Getting up, I dusted off my behind and galloped into the house. "Hello," I said. No answer. "Hello," I tried again. No one was on the other end. 

As I hung up the phone, I understood. Before the mysterious call I was squinting at blades of grass and smelling dirt. The neighbor kid was pounding my face in. Dad could have raced out of the house and thrown the other kid off me. He could have ground the other guy's face into the mud. Instead he save face for me. I fought my own battle, but the anonymous phone call saved the day. 

This memory from my childhood prompts me to ask my heavenly Father for the same wisdom. Help me, Lord, to allow my children to learn life's lessons. Grant me the wisdom to know when and how to intervene. 

P.S. Tell Dad thanks! 

Gregory R. Williamson is pastor of St. John Lutheran in Oskaloosa, Iowa, where he lives with his wife and two children. 

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From the editor ... 

A new year always brings changes, and Family Connection is changing too. Family Connection and its companion newsletter, Prayer Connection, will each be published three times a year. If you are on our mailing list you will be receiving a newsletter every other month, beginning with this issue. If you're not on our mailing list it's time you were! Just give us a call: 1-800-351-1001. Announcing ... Family Connection's Family Fun Fest! It's a time to celebrate God's gift of family and give your family a special weekend of recreation, growth, worship and fun. 

Resources

Little House on the Freeway: Help for the Hurried Home -- 101 ideas for giving rest to the family ... and much more.
Tim Kimmel (Multnomah) 

Coping with Stress -- How God can us stress-filled experiences to help us grow.
Alexis Wappelhorst (CPH Bible study) 

Balancing Life's Demands -- A Scriptural look at priorities and relationships.
J. Grant Howard (Multnomah) 

These resources can be purchased at your local Christian bookstore or ordered directly from the publisher. 

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Busy, Busy, Busy
by Tina Browning, Family Connection Staff Assistant

Get the kids to school, make it to work for your 8:00 a.m. meeting with the boss, pick up the kids, take Ginger to ballet and Skip to soccer, decide what to make for dinner, finish your report for work, help the kids with their homework, call your mom ... and don't forget quality time with your hubby. Sound familiar? 

Mothers aren't the only busy ones; expectations are placed on all of us. Teenagers are pressured to dress and act a certain way. Single adults are supposed to be on the constant lookout for Mr. or Ms. Right. Grandparents face the challenges of aging and still feel responsibility for the family. 

If you need help dealing with everyday pressures, call Family Connection. We will listen to you, pray with you and connect you to helpful resources. Don't be too busy to call! 1-800-351-1001 or email. 

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Editor: Janice Kerper Brauer
Design and production: Lois I. Schroeder
Advisors: Debra Herman, Sandy Thompson 

Family Connection and Prayer Connection are published quarterly by
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