Family Connection

Fall 1996

We will listen! 1-800-351-1001

Table of Contents

Stop This Crazy Thing!, by Jane Ellen Pase 
Power Connection, by David Koch
Let Go of Me, by Sandy Bentz

Resources

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Stop This Crazy Thing!

"Jane! Stop this crazy thing!" You might recognize that phrase from an old cartoon show called The Jetsons. George Jetson shouted it to his wife as he galloped on the dog-walking treadmill that wouldn't turn off. Maybe you have found yourself in a similar spot. To me, February 16, 1996 was the beginning of my unwanted treadmill ride. 

I had a scheduled doctor's appointment. Since his office is a hour away and it was my husband's day off, we decided to make it a family fun trip as well. We would take some time in the park and just enjoy being together. I was actually looking forward to the doctor's appointment. For four weeks I had been recovering from a shoulder replacement. It had been confining and very inconvenient, but now I would have a mere two more weeks to go. The 27-year-old arthritis in my shoulder had been replaced by fresh new parts. From my past experiences with two total hip replacements, I was confident this surgery would be a success. 

I felt on top of the world. But then the treadmill kicked into high gear. 

"Your shoulder is doing great," the doctor said, "But ...." But what? I wondered. He continued, "There appears to be a large unknown mass on the x-ray." The only thing "known" about the mass was that it wasn't supposed to be there. It took awhile for the tears to come. And then they did! I looked at my husband, Robert, and my sons, Ryan and Jacob, and thought "I'm not ready to leave them. I'm only 32!" In my heart I knew I had to be prepared for whatever news was to come. Many hours I prayed, "Lord, give me strength! Give me patience! Please help me understand this!" I felt I was being selfish, but I believe God's promises of His everlasting love and care. He would not allow a burden I could not bear. 

Three-and-a-half weeks later it was definite. I had the "C-word" -- cancer. Hodgkin's Disease to be exact. At the time of diagnosis, I felt relieved. I now knew what the battle would be. Hodgkin's is very treatable and survivable. 

In times of trouble many people look to their favorite Scriptures for comfort. So many of God's words seemed to leap into my mind. Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen (2 Corinthians 4:16-18 NIV). My body may be wasting away with arthritis and cancer, but I can focus on more important things -- what is eternal! 

For a long time I've struggled with how I could be a more outgoing witness of what Christ has done for me. It wasn't hard to share my faith with fellow Christians, but I never felt I could open up to a nonbeliever. Someone once suggested praying for an opportunity to witness. Cautiously I prayed. It seems cancer is my window of opportunity, my avenue for sharing how my faith in Jesus gives me strength. I've spoken with other cancer patients and their families. Some of them have no hope, and I have been able to tell about the hope I have and how God's love is seeing me through this difficult time. 

From the time of my diagnosis family, friends and complete strangers have lifted my name up in prayer. In these past months of treatment I have felt His power. I have peace and strength that is beyond human understanding. It has to be, because it doesn't make sense, especially on days when my body is filled with fever, sickness and aches almost unbearable. 

There is nothing pretty or easy about cancer. It can be ugly and lonely. Yet I have been blessed with a Christian family who loves and supports me in prayer and actions. I can rejoice in the Lord. I know He is near. He doesn't say, "Jane! Stop this crazy thing!" He says, "Jane, be still and know that I am God!" 

Jane Ellen Pase is a former Lutheran elementary school teacher. She and her family now live in Palestine, Texas, where her husband is pastor of Bethlehem Lutheran Church. Jane has just finished her chemotherapy and is now undergoing radiation treatment.

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Power Connection

On June 20, 1995 flu kept me home. Around 10:00 a.m. something inside me snapped. Pain followed -- excruciating, unrelenting pain. 

St. Joseph Hospital's emergency room staff was good, quick and also puzzled. 

Thinking fast, one doctor suggested a test "to rule out the worst possibility." Instead it verified it: a ruptured esophagus. I was stuck in a very tight spot and didn't even realize it. I didn't know that 60 to 80 percent of those so afflicted die. I didn't know that on a scale one to ten (one standing for "very bad shape") I was between one and two. Thank God I didn't know. 

Not long after surgery, though, I realized I was stuck. My esophagus reopened. The hole got bigger. Infections and a string of bizarre side-effects followed. One day, after my lungs had bled for two hours, I asked a physician's assistant what was going in. Her reply said it all: "Your guess is as good as ours." I was stuck in a very tight spot all right. 

The Lord wedged Himself into that spot with me. Two thoughts began to occupy my attention. First, stay in the Scriptures; draw on God's promises. Second, you are going to get well. He gave me these thoughts. 

One Scripture verse that rose to the surface early on was Philippians 4:6-7: Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace or God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. This promise provides perspective, a plan and protection. Let's explore it. 

• Perspective ... a way to think about your tight spot. Do not be anxious about anything. It is possible to survive, even thrive, in all kinds of situations. In fact, external circumstances have little connection with how we are. Attitude has a big connection. Jesus says it is possible, preferable, when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you to rejoice and be glad (Matthew 5:11-12a). Why is this possible? Because the kingdom of heaven belongs to you. He is the King and He gives it to you, no matter your sin, no matter your circumstances, no matter what! 
• A Plan ... something to do in your tight spot. In everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Pray. Thankfully. Martin Luther understood this principle. Prayer, he said, is like incense. Thanksgiving is the coals under the incense. Without live coals, the incense never rises. We can pray thankfully because Christ is busy when we can't see anything happening, especially then. On the cross He appeared defeated, zero having been accomplished. On the cross, His agonizingly tight spot, God saved our race. 
• Protection ... a gift in your tight spot. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts [feelings] and mind [thoughts and attitudes] in Christ Jesus. 

Rev. David Koch thankfully has returned full time as senior pastor of St. Luke Lutheran Church in Ann Arbor, Michigan, where he lives with his wife, Ruth.

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Let Go of Me

Mallory was relieved and excited when she graduated with her master's degree. A whole new world opened up for her. With the paychecks from her new job, she could buy all the things she had been wanting and still have money left over for an occasional splurge. She could hardly wait to go to work each day because she felt so needed and successful. 

Frequently she volunteered to work overtime. With each project finished, there were two more challenges waiting. She was getting tired, but how could she resist more responsibilities when people said: "You're so good at what you do." "It will be such good experience for you." "You'll get paid time-and-a-half." There would be time to rest later. 

With the birth of each child, life became even more fulfilling for Mallory. But there just weren't enough hours in the day. Daycare, school parties, business meetings, church functions, workouts, holidays. The list went on and on. "I just hope nobody gets sick," she thought one day as she fixed her daughter's ponytail (with a bow perfectly coordinated to her outfit) and hurried off to a birthday party. 

That night, as she got up for the baby's 2:00 a.m. feeding, Mallory wondered how she would be able to get up again in a few short hours to start another busy day. Although she was exhausted, she was unable to return to the sleep she so desperately needed. Her worries for the next day wouldn't allow her mind to rest. But she did get up because she had to go to work, she had to make sure the rest of the family got where they were going, and she had to fix her daughter's ponytail. 

The load she was carrying got heavier and heavier, even though she decreased her activities, switched to part-time work and purposely only made appearances instead of initiating the meetings and parties. "Why can't everyone just leave me alone?" she wished. She was so tired; it was almost like something was pulling her down. 

In the morning she struggled to lift her arms to blow dry her hair and tried to ignore the feeling that vines were wrapping around her arms and legs. The more she tried to get away, the more entangled she became. Even breathing took surprising effort. The creeping plants seemed to be growing in every area of her life. They tugged on her, sapped her energy and burrowed deeper than she was aware. The roots knotted around each other so that even if she broke loose from one clutch she was still held by other grasping branches. 

She began to question her own abilities. "What if I can't get out of bed in the morning?" she worried. "Maybe I'm not just tired. Maybe I need some help. But what if someone finds out? What if it's too painful or embarrassing? What if no one can help me? 

Maybe I'll just stay here and be real still." But with tears in her eyes, she knew she had to risk asking for help. After all, someone had to fix her daughter's ponytail. 

Like Mallory, I suffered from the deadly disease of depression. It was many years before I even became aware of how it was affecting me. But God intervened. He arranged for a Christian counselor to come and speak at my church. What she said helped me see I needed help. Through counseling I learned to challenge my negative thinking, respect personal boundaries, ask for what I need, recognize and respect my own opinions and those of others, and look to God for acceptance and security. These skills have helped me break free from depression's hold. By God's healing grace I am building a healthier, more peaceful life. 

Common Warning Signs of Depression 

• Depressed mood. In children or adolescents it can be an irritable mood. 
• Markedly diminished interest or pleasure in all or almost all activities. 
• Significant weight loss when not dieting, or weight gain. 
• Insomnia or hypersomnia. 
• Physical agitation or retardation. 
• Fatigue or loss of energy. 
• Feelings of worthlessness or excessive or inappropriate guilt. 
• Diminished ability to think or concentrate, indecisiveness. 
• Recurrent thoughts of death and/or suicide. 

Suggestions for Taking First Steps Toward Recovery 

• Talk to your family doctor to determine if your symptoms are related to depression or some other condition. Medications could be helpful, if warranted. 
• Talk to a trusted friend or pastor. 
• Seek counseling services. Call and ask for information such as qualifications of counselors, areas of specialty, religious affiliation and fees charged. 
• Eat healthy food. Avoid junk food and alcohol. 
• Find some form of exercise that fits your lifestyle and do it regularly. 
• Structure your time each day. Set small, reachable goals for yourself. 
• Establish a regular schedule for sleep. 
• Allow yourself time to feel sad, angry or hurt if the situation is sad or hurtful. 
• Call Family Connection -- 1-800-351-1001 -- for support and resources. 

Sandy Bentz is a nurse and physical therapist in the Fort Worth area. She and her husband have three daughters and attend Peace Lutheran Church in Hurst, Texas.

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Resources

Living with Chronic Pain, Jane Fryar; Living with Grief, Steve Carter (CPH) Four-session Bible studies for support groups or individuals. 

When God Shines Through, Claire Cloninger (Word) A simple, poetic book about how God shines through the bits and pieces of our lives to make patterns pleasing to Him. 

Laugh Again: Experience Outrageous Joy, Chuck Swindoll (Word) A commentary on the book of Philippians, challenging us to enjoy life and find true happiness in Christ.  Make Your Home a "Grace Place" 

Attend Mission Congress 1996 -- "Passing It On to a New Generation"

October 16-18, 1996, Fort Wayne, Indiana 

Come and learn about: passing faith on to children and grandchildren, enjoying family prayer and devotions, living out the Gospel in daily life For more information, call 219/452-2203 

Sponsored by Concordia Theological Seminary and Lutheran Family Association 

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1-800-351-1001 

Editor: Janice Kerper Brauer
Design and production: Lois I. Schroeder
Advisors: Debra Herman, Sandy Thompson 

Family Connection and Prayer Connection are published quarterly by
Lutheran Family Association of The Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod. 

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