Family Connection

Summer 1998

We will listen! 1-800-351-1001

Table of Contents

We Never Thought It Would Happen to Us
Lori's Story
A Mother's Perspective
The Power Connection
Bugs and Bedrooms
Family FUN Fest '98

Bottom

We Never Thought It Would Happen to Us

Lori and her parents sat silently around the dinner table one beautiful fall evening. Lori had been upset all week but wouldn’t tell her parents why. Now Lori’s boyfriend, Seth, was to come over after dinner so the two of them could talk to Bill and Nancy, Lori’s mom and dad.

Snatches of awkward small-talk accompanied the delicious but unappreciated meal. Finally Bill said, "Lori, I’ve been thinking all week about what might be wrong, and the worst thing I can come up with is that you might be pregnant."

"Well," said Lori softly, "I am."

It was just one month before Lori’s 18th birthday. Lori and Seth had been dating less than six months. Bill and Nancy were shocked. Lori had always been a perfect daughter—never rebellious or defiant in any way. Although Seth had been pressuring Lori to have sex, they were unprepared and used no contraception. Now what would they do?

"I felt numb," Nancy says. "It was hard to eat or sleep. Several times I found Bill crying in his study. Questions ate away at me: ‘How could Lori do it? How would we tell the family? How would we tell our church family?’"

Lori and Seth had already discussed what to do. He had suggested an abortion, but Lori refused. They decided Lori would complete her senior year of high school by December, work until the baby was due in the spring and then give the baby up for adoption. They hoped to marry one day but knew they weren’t ready yet.

After a few appointments at a social service agency, Seth was anxious to pick an adoptive family for the baby, but Lori couldn’t bring herself to do it. 

"What are you thinking?" Seth asked. "You can’t keep this baby. My life would be over!" Seth tried to get Lori to hide the pregnancy, even lying about her condition to friends at their school. They began to argue, their relationship deteriorated, and Lori realized the way Seth was behaving was not love.

Lori thought more about keeping the baby. When Nancy first heard that idea, she couldn’t image it. "Your dad and I are not going to raise this baby for you," Nancy told Lori. But as Nancy considered the future of her grandchild and prayed over the situation, the Lord softened her heart. She and Bill told Lori they would support her whatever decision she made.

Months passed. Even as Lori headed to the hospital for the delivery, she was still in turmoil about her decision. She gave birth to a boy, big and healthy. The night before she was to be released from the hospital, Lori spent the entire night rocking her baby boy and crying. The next day the social worker and Seth continued to pressure her to give up the baby, but she had finally made her choice. Bill and Nancy borrowed a car seat and came to pick up their daughter and grandson.

Life has surely changed for their entire family. For Lori’s and Nancy’s perspectives on their experiences see page 3.

Lori’s Story: the following story is adapted from a presentation Lori made to a youth group:

My name is Lori. I am 19 years old and a freshman in college. I am also the mother of a five-month-old baby boy. You may look at me and say, "I have nothing in common with that girl." I would say you are wrong.

Like you, I went to the church retreats and Bible studies about love and sex. I was committed to chastity. Having sex before marriage was something I vowed never to do.

Then I met a wonderful guy. We became friends, best friends. We fell in love and planned on getting married. Although he was a Christian, our beliefs differed greatly. But when you love someone, you want to spend as much time as possible with that person. I spent almost every free moment with Seth. We began discussing (and arguing) about sex. I knew God’s promise and thought, "God won’t give me more than I can bear." (See 1 Corinthians 13:10.) What I did not realize was that God meant with His help.

The hardest part of my pregnancy was dealing with other people. I told my immediate family and my best friend but, aside from that, I kept it a secret. I felt I had to hide. I was ashamed.

It took me many difficult months to realize that I was still the same person as before I got pregnant. My family and friends knew that. And, more importantly, God knew that. He knew my sin and loved me anyway. He forgave me and simply asked that I change my ways and lead a life that would be pleasing to Him. Besides His forgiveness, the biggest blessing God has given me is undoubtedly my son. He is so special. All I have to do is look at him and my heart is filled with joy. When he smiles or laughs, it brightens my day no matter how early it began.

There are still many difficult things I have to get worked out. I know I have some pretty rough days ahead, but I also know God is there. He gives me peace and comfort that I can find nowhere else. Some nights when I am too overwhelmed to sleep I open my Bible, and I can feel His loving arms around me. One of my new favorite verses is Psalm 119:114: "You are my refuge and my shield; I have put my hope in your word."

We are all sinners, We will all be tempted. But if we can learn to put our hope in God’s Word, He will lead us out of temptation and give us strength to face each new day. 

Nancy’s Story: 

A Mother’s Perspective

When Lori announced she was pregnant, I was completely overwhelmed. I sunk into depression and was unable to see God working at all in the situation. I certainly could have used more support from our church family. I know many people prayed for us, but we needed more than that. One friend called and just cried over the phone. As crazy as it sounds, that helped. A pastor friend was a continual source of counsel for Lori the whole way through. He would stop by just to chat with her and encourage her.

Looking back, I see the months I was depressed as a waste of time. I chose not to accept the encouragement of Bill and other friends. But through all the tears and anger and depression, God was there—just waiting to help. I remember a day in late January when I opened a devotion book and read about getting out of self-pity. I knew it was written just for me for that day. As Lori’s pregnancy progressed, church friends rallied their support. There were phone calls, notes, visits at the hospital and then a wonderful baby shower. We all have learned that life is unbelievably precious. God is able to work through our circumstances; there’s nothing He can’t do. 

How to Help Families in Crisis

• Don’t avoid the family in need. Call, talk to them, ask "What can we do for you?" 

• Don’t judge. 
• Don’t assume things are "okay" just because they appear to be coping well. 

• Reach out to all the children as well as the parents. 

• Send an encouraging note. 
• Pray for them and with them. Hug. 

• Even if you don’t know what to say, let them know you care. 

The Power Connection

by Darold Reiner

Four years ago, in the summer of 1994, Family Connection was a brand-new ministry. We had just opened our office, installed our 800 telephone line and published our first newsletter. We had a vision for helping family members connect with each other and with Jesus Christ. That’s still what Family Connection is all about. 

• We believe the family belongs to God. He determined its structure. He appointed its purpose and goal. He intended it to be a haven of safety and security as well as a place for affirmation, nurture and growth. God sets the solitary in families (Psalm 68:6). 

• We live in a fallen world where sin has taken its toll on the family and its God-given connectivity. Sin has torn apart the very structure of the family. Family members have become disconnected from each other and from the Creator. We see evidences of that all around us, and it grieves us just as it certainly grieves the God who created family. 

• But there is Good News. We believe the Christian church alone has a real and permanent cure to what sin has done to families. Disconnected families can be connected again by the power of the Gospel. Faith in Christ can set us free from the power of sin. When we realize the extent of the love of God and the forgiveness He offers, we can confess—face the truth about our sin and our sinful nature. Then God’s forgiveness can warm our hearts so that we can forgive ourselves and others. Hardened attitudes can be changed to warmth and acceptance. We can relate to each other the way God wants us to. We can become what we really are: loving children of a loving God. 

Rev. Darold Reiner is pastor of Trinity Lutheran Church in Kalispell, Montana.

Back to top

Bugs & Bedrooms

by Laura Browning Priebe

"This bug doesn’t have a uterus!" The announcement came from my almost four-year-old and left the room full of out-of-town guests speechless. After an awkward moment, I explained how my son had come to know so much about reproductive anatomy—the combined events of baby chicks hatching at preschool and the pregnancies of a couple of my friends had prompted a few questions, and I had answered them as simply and truthfully as I could. I didn’t anticipate he might want to broadcast his new-found knowledge in our dining room.

When it comes to questions about sexuality or reproduction, parents often fear their children’s natural curiosity. Quite by accident, however, my responses to our son’s questions were probably the best answers of all, because I answered out of truthfulness and not fear. 

One night, well past his bedtime, this same son came into our bedroom at a most inopportune moment. This time my response to his wide eyes wasn’t a calm, simple explanation of truth. I began lecturing him on how important it is for Mommy and Daddy to be alone because we love each other very much. He just turned and said, "Mommy and Daddy need to get their jammies on."

Unfortunately, our sinful world includes sexual issues more complicated than whether a bug has a uterus or babies come from eggs or from their mommies. Images of men and women in various stages of dressing or undressing are commonplace on the television and movie screen. Well before their teens, children have questions about pregnancy, abortion, rape and homosexuality.

When our son asked what I do at the crisis pregnancy center where I work, I struggled to find words his young mind and tender heart could accept. I told him that sometimes a mommy is scared to have a baby growing in her uterus. I suggested we pray for mommies like that, and he reminded me, "We need to pray for those babies, too."

Going to Christ is the best thing we could have done in that touchy situation, for only our Lord can correct the twisted image of sexuality we see in our world and, sometimes, even in ourselves. As we grow in understanding God’s intent for our sexuality and see His grace and forgiveness offered to those who misuse or abuse that gift, we develop a healthy, positive view of sexuality. Only then can we pass a godly view of sexuality on to our children. 

Though my husband and I were a bit startled when our preschooler told us to put our jammies on, I am glad the little glimpse he saw that night was not on a movie or television screen. As we, as husband and wife, see glimpses of what it truly means to be one flesh, we can give our children clues to the mystery. As we show appropriate physical affection to one another, our children get hints about how the gift of sexuality flourishes in a Christian marriage. Modesty and privacy are also important, and you can bet we now use the lock on our bedroom door. Of course, a sense of humor helps, too, especially as we rehearse our answer to the next inevitable question, "How does the baby get inside the uterus?" Let’s just hope it doesn’t come when we have a room full of guests. 

Laura Browning Priebe, a former high school German and English teacher, lives in Lawrenceburg, Indiana, with her husband and two young sons. 

Back to top

Family FUN Fest ’98

"Unless the Lord Builds the House" 
July 31 - August 2, 1998 - Kalispell, Montana
Celebrate God’s gift of family … explore Glacier National Park … 
Attend informative workshops on marriage, conflict resolution, 
coping with crisis, midlife miracles, prayer, "teen talk," and more.
Registration information available by writing or calling: 

Trinity Lutheran Church, 400 W. California, Kalispell, MT 59901
1-406-257-LOVE (5683)

Back to top

Family Connection
3558 S. Jefferson Ave.
St. Louis, MO 63118
1-800-351-1001

Editor: Janice Kerper Brauer
Design and production: Lois J. Schroeder
Advisors: Rev. Darold Reiner, Sandy Thompson

Family Connection newsletters are published by 

Lutheran Family Association, a Recognized Service Organization of
The Lutheran Church–Missouri Synod.

Available for bulk mailing to churches.
1-800-351-1001

E-mail Address: 
luthfam@lcms.org

Online Address: 
http://www.lcms.org/lfa/

Family Connection is also available in Spanish, Braille and large print.

Would you like to help Family Connection strengthen and support families?

Your support enables this ministry to continue. 

Yes, I want to help Family Connection’s ministry of listening, praying and sending resources! Enclosed is my tax-deductible gift of:

___ $50 ___ $25 ___ $10 ___ $100 ___ $500 ___ other

Please make checks payable to Family Connection.
I will pray for the ministry of Family Connection.

Name 
Address 
City 
State Zip 

Mail to: Family Connection
3558 S. Jefferson Ave.
St. Louis, MO 63118-3969

Comments 

3558 S. Jefferson Ave.
St. Louis, MO 63118
1-800-351-1001 

Editor: Janice Kerper Brauer
Design and production: Lois I. Schroeder
Advisors: Debra Herman, Sandy Thompson 

Family Connection and Prayer Connection are published quarterly by
Lutheran Family Association of The Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod. 

Available for bulk mailing to churches, $15 per l00, plus shipping. 

Help us help families. We need your financial support to keep this ministry growing.